hie look! funny entry

hi dreamwidth. i recently got back to spacehey to try and stay consistent with journaling. i'd say i'm doing pretty well, but i wanted to bring back my dreamwidth since my username here is still pretty valuable to me. anyway, let me start crossposting! so far:

6 hours ago: examining borderline personality disorder

hi spacehey

whoa, typing right here feels rather new despite joining two months ago. maybe it's cos i was never really consistent with my entries. :P but i plan on starting a journal again. nobody would prolly even read this, but if you're a random teenager from, say, 3050 or something, and you're just scouring the web cos you're interested in spacehey and stuff, then WELCOME! to my life. to my stuff, ig? im actually typing this at 1:30 am, im about to sleep soon, prolly at three am again, rip schedule, i keep breaking it Dx!!! i used to sleep at 10 buuuuuuuuut shit went down aaaaaaaaaand i'm right here. still grateful for the universe, though. i think i'm handling it rather well, i usually would go for the 'woe is me' route but i'd like to think a little positively now. i have a lot of things to learn and i'm not afraid to admit that as a human being. i think all of us still have lots of things to learn. i used to hear that thing that goes, "we're all a work in progress". was it from mlp??? anyhow it's still a pretty good phrase, and it's comforting to know.

 

speaking of comforting stuff, my spacehey probably has some stuff from the past! mcr stuff too- while im out of my so called emo phase (yes, kids from the future, that was a thing) im still kind of grateful for the band. i dont really listen to punk rock bands anymore, mostly just indie and alt now, or electronic (itz boppppppp) but they're still amazing as they've helped me during the heaviest, most cloudiest times of my life. they can't help me now, though, i've got a different fixation (comfort streamers, etc.) and they help a ton! right now i think i'm just girdling around my old interests. that's probably a good thing, though! yayyyyy! 

 

i want to understand myself, actually. so i'll start with journaling to make sure i don't lose track of who i am. borderlines usually have a murky sense of identity. let me give you a little educating while im still here! take this from someone who's actually interested in psychology heehee! (AHHHHHHHHHH)

so bpd is one of the most commonly misunderstood illness- not only by professionals but by other people because, really, bpd can negatively impact /somebody/ else's lives, not only the borderline themself. yeah, pretty much. bpd is notorious for drastic mood changes that actually do harm friendships/relationships, etc. borderlines change who they are depending on their situation and what they think others expect from them. so it's like being a chameleon. being forced to be a chameleon. it's really hard to control, and more often than not you'd forget you were actually upset about something after an episode, and it all starts sinking in, but it's too late. that's actually my case all the time with almost everyone. hence my journaling to help myself and not drag anybody else. i'd like to understand this condition better and actually help other borderlines. so basically, borderlines change their thoughts (can be opinions) and feelings about something to match their circumstances. it's called "identity diffusion". they feel kind of unsure about who they are, and are having identity crises 24/7. sucks man. butttttttt it happens, and it just sucks because, okay, it may not be external, but it can manifest outside; changing one's name and personality to match how they're /feeling/, and this often leads others, borderlines included, into a deep unescapable cycle of feeling bad about someone and then feeling good about them. i recommend reading the book, "i hate you, don't leave me". it's educational. :D

now, i wont disagree. borderlines can be toxic. and ive read on people's experiences with them. it really, really takes patience. i actually have a comparison chart for how someone with bpd functions vs a normal personality (high anxiety, high angry hostility, passive aggressiveness for those who're actually aware of what's happening but can't help the switch). i have helpful advice for that! if you know someone who's suffering from bpd, it's important to see a therapist and determine how /you/ could help your friend when your friend is triggered. talk about it. don't leave anything behind. work as a team. it'll be awesomesauce. it won't be easy. but never stop trying.

that's actually all for now. ill write more soon. xoxo <33 stay well, everyone!!! and you guys too from the fooootooore.