So glide away on soapy heels

RAH RAH! I originally made this ficlet for my partner so that we'd have something to giggle at in the middle of the night, which you know, is the usual.

It's a weird Microsoft Hearts coffeeshop-thingy, featuring Pauline (one of the opponents from the game if you've ever played it) and some original characters inserted in one of UHV's glorious airport scenes.

If you're still here, then read with caution, it's an utter crack-fic. *hands*

Title: Microsoft Hearts: Coffee
Fandom: Microsoft Hearts
Author: hebestar

Pauline hates coffee. Or rather, she hated coffee, because she didn't get the entire point of drinking coffee. Buy some generic coffee, pour everything inside your Hydro Flask, drink, vomit because coffee is totally intolerable, spend the entire night awake and sick, yadda yadda.

But with Hebe's consistent LiveJournal Nagging campaign, and only twenty-four hours in a day to clean, unpack, and read, Pauline NEEDS every nanosecond she can possibly wring out, and that's how she ends up in a local coffeeshop in the middle of the night, squinting at the menu board as best she can without her glasses.

r1cepudz: OH MY GOOSENESS you're probably dead,,,,
FunkyPauline: COFFEE @ wanna-be Starbucks, this woman is taking literally forever to order, it's annoyingggg

Pauline also hates waiting, but she can't afford rumbling with security yet, she obviously knows better than that. And she's got a flight to catch, so instead she settles for shuffling around and mentally doodling, and after four billion years, the woman finally steps away to wait for her bafflingly long order, and Pauline steps hurriedly up to the counter.

"Coffee, anything," she blurts out, then says, "I mean, like, I'll accept anything, keep it simple and fast," and then she worries she might be sounding like a royal asshole so she smiles her awkward smile at the Tired College Student-Barista and adds, "Hi."

"Hey," he puts on a smile on his Face That Tells Otherwise. "I'll get it in a second, want anything else? Onion bagel?"

"Oh, no no, that's all," Pauline hates bagel. "My best friend's kinda eager to see me, so um, you know."

He laughs and grabs a cup from somewhere only Baristas know, AKA the counter. "I get you, ma'am," he says, holding up a Sharpie to show Pauline. Pauline tells him her name, and he writes it on the cup before calling another barista to get her order. "So uh, that'll be three-fifty," says Tired College Student-Barista, pressing buttons on the register.

Pauline thanks him and pays, then sits next to the Annoying Woman to wait for her coffee.

She hasn't even sat down when a shrill ding came barreling. She pulls out her laptop, setting it on her lap.

r1cepudz: I swear to God, one of these days dude :||
FunkyPauline: WAITT FOR MEE, I'll let U read the fics, promise!!!!!

Pauline closes LiveJournal and immediately becomes absorbed in the latest private fic Hebe (r1cepudz) sent her last night - another Harry Styles AU - and she forgets about the Annoying Woman.

She stops halfway through an amazing paragraph about Harry Style's superior hair and silhouette in absurdly fine detail, though, when a man's loud voice catches her attention. It's fucking loud and the coffeeshop is convoluted. Kind of, because the coffeeshop is part of the airport, so you know.

"This is fucking insane," he says, pacing back and forth, hands clasped on top of his head. "This is crazy. They're probably on the phone to the Cardinal right now. He's going to show up any second."

"Shut up," Pissed-Off-Tattooed Guy hisses at him. "Don't even say it."

Next to Mr. Pissed-Off-Tattooed Guy is a woman wriggling her knees up and down, nervous. "He's right, though. We should've stayed."

"For what? For the Cardinal to throw us out and never let us see Ebeh again? Fuck that."

OOOH, thinks Pauline. The Cardinal?

"He didn't say we couldn't see her," the woman points out, and then she actually points a long finger at him. "He said we couldn't work with her, Jesus."

"Yeah well," he shuffles from foot to foot. "All I know is, there's no way we're leaving her there alone. God knows what they could do to her, Melody, what if she ends up like Athel?"

Pauline makes a mental note and scribbles her name. Mentally, of course.

Melody makes a face. "Why would she? They don't need to exorcise her."

Pauline has never, ever closed one of her Harry Styles fic at breakneck speed, but weird stuff like this are one of the few things she can at least tolerate. Exorcism? The Cardinal? SWEET.

"We're not leaving without her. If they take her back, then we'll just have to find a way to get back in, okay, it's all of us or none of us." Pissed-Off-Tattooed Guy is saying now.

"I'd say we're about to find out which," says the taller guy. Way taller.

Pissed-Off-Tattooed Guy looks up, and Pauline follows the direction of his eyes. A woman is coming towards them. She's pale, and she's alone, with no security guys whatsoever.

Huh, Pauline thinks. Last time she came here, Uncle Jack had to suffer through security, the arseholes.

The woman waves when she reaches the Weird Airport Gang. She's beautiful, and Pauline also has never, EVER opened Dreamwidth so fast, unless it's for one of Hebe's fics or something, but whatever.

Subject: HOTTT MAMA
Text: WHAT THE FCUK, she types with no regard to wherever her fingers land. THERE'S SOME JUICY HORRORY DRAMA GOING ON AND THERE'S A HOT WOMAN COMING UOU FRICKS.

Where the hell are you, Hebe slides into her inbox almost immediately, like she didn't even leave Pauline's page, that cool freak. When are you arrivinggggggg?? :(

"You're kidding," Tall Guy gapes before Pauline can even reply to r1cepudz. "I didn't think it would actually work."

"Yeah," the woman looks over her shoulder, frowning, and it's when Pauline notices her collar. She looks pretty. But she's a priest. God. "I don't really know how it happened, to be honest."

"Who cares?" Pissed-Off-Tattooed Guy says, wiggling around so his bag won't fall from his shoulder. "Let's just get on the fucking plane before they change their minds."

"Caramel Frappuccino for Paul-Anne!" calls the barista, and Pauline looks up so fast her neck almost snaps. She stalks over to the counter, grabs the cup and takes a sweet sip on her - goddammit, too fucking hot, shit - coffee. "Oh my God," she moans, already feeling the caffeine kicking in, then turns around to check the now-empty spot. They're already gone.

"Damn," she mutters under her breath, still staring. "Well, of course."